It's not "Pass" or "Fail" anymore...

Hey guys.

I just got back from retaking my driving test. You'll know already if you are friends with me on Facebook or Twitter that, again, I didn't pass.

I know I already mentioned that I failed my driving test last time (obviously*, otherwise I wouldn't be retaking the test) (derp) but I didn't tell you guys how it went down. In short, it was probably one of the worst experiences of my young life. I had high hopes, I had worked hard, everyone pumped me up, I felt good vibes, and I honestly felt I was ready. Not to mention, I had a whole host of things planned for the rest of the week; all involving me being able to drive. So basically, the whole run-up was setting me up for a win, but I had no safety net.

Ten minutes into the test, we were back at the testing centre and the driving tester asked me if I knew what I did to make myself fail. Naturally, I had no clue. "Do you think I would have done the wrong thing if I knew it was wrong?!" is what I thought. Going over the speed limit is a critical error. I didn't see a 40 sign, and since unmarked roads are 50, I figured 47 was a safe speed. Instant fail. Basically, I crashed unceremoniously back down to earth. It hurt. I cried. It took a good week or two to get back on my feet.

So, what was different this time around? Well, my failure was not due to a sign that could have been more visible if they'd actually thought about where to put it. It was due to my own mistakes. My own shortcomings. Basically, this time, I was in control.

I think that was the biggest thing for me today. Last time, I felt like the carpet had been pulled out from under me. Like something else had pushed me over the edge. This time, I jumped. I also did a glorious swan dive on the way down, Pocahontas-style. It was more important for me to feel in control than to win. At least I failed on my terms. Now I have a mission; I have something to fix, and to build on, and improve.

Coming up to this one, I was really unsure how I would do. Well-meaning friends encouraged me, saying things like "You'll do great" and "You're a good driver, you'll pass", but my knee-jerk reaction was "You don't know that". Nothing was certain. After the first attempt, I couldn't find my grip.

What I'm trying to say is, although failing sucks, it was exactly what I needed to so. Successful people say that you need to fail in order to succeed. Failure is good for success, because failure teaches you what you need to know to succeed. So now, when someone says "You're gonna rock that test" I fully, 100% believe them, because I know what to do now.

I mean, it's still going to be a while before I can drive myself around, but I am now confident that I can work around it. Everything will be fine.

Thanks, btw if you're still reading this. It wasn't the most interesting or entertaining post. I just had to write it and share it. And I dunno. Maybe you got something out of it too. Or not. Whatever's cool.


*Is it weird that I can't hear the word "obviously" anymore without following it up with "we have a rapist in Lincoln Park"? I didn't think so...