So this may or may not come as a surprise but I am a closet fan of The OC. Do you remember that show? Got cancelled 3 1/2 years ago, angsty teen drama, not altogether different from Gossip Girl (funnily enough, created by the same guy) (Josh Schwartz, if you were wondering). Anyway, at the time, my obsession was as such that I forced myself to acquire the boxed sets. And by forced myself, I mean I couldn't stop myself.
It was just one of those things, and, apparently, at least to me, still is. For years, after me and a couple of friends from highschool who were equally obsessed had finished marathoning them, the DVDs sat in my bookshelf. Kind of like a secret shame. Something I saw as a thing of the past. A memento of my teen years, if you will. But, just recently, I've kind of rekindled this hidden passion.
Truthfully, I just polished off season 2. I nearly cried (again) when they staged an intervention to get Kirsten to go to rehab. I gasped in shock and called Marissa an idiot for shooting Tray. And it's funny. It's funny just how efficiently a tv show can throw some light down onto your own life. Shows you what you're missing. I don't mean drugs and alcoholism and extortion and the constant stream of drama that the characters seem doomed to endure; I mean the simple things like, a social life with a solid friend group equipped to deal with any and all crap that gets thrown their way. Like a rich private school education to ditch whenever I felt like to run off to the beach. Like enough money around to not need a job throughout said education. Like a bulletproof family. Like, dare I say it, a boyfriend.
Don't you just hate how good they seem to have everything? They make the hard stuff look breezy.
Or maybe, I dunno, maybe it really is easy. Is it? Because I wouldn't know. Bar like one guy who conveniently (for me, at least) asked me out in time for Formal, I've never had a boyfriend. I wouldn't know the first thing about relationships. I make excuses all the time. I'm too busy, I'm not ready, I still need space and time to figure stuff out... But I gotta say it. I want a boyfriend. I want to sit at family dinners with a partner there to back me up. To sit there with their arm around me while watching a movie (and I don't mean the classic smoothie yawn-hug either. Here's a clue: those don't work. Even if a girl really likes you, it's far too cheesy.) To enjoy the company of on long walks not necessarily at the beach. To make valentines day an exciting event to look forward to and enjoy instead of the most boring insufferable day of the year; a day to dread. To fight with over stupid stuff knowing that they won't leave over such a trivialities.
I don't actually know why the heck I am writing this here. I guess I figure no one I know in person will read it.
Man, I need a life. I wish study wasn't so crazy like all the time so I could actually have time for a social life. I wish there were people in my course who I actually wanted to hang out with.
Maybe this is stress. Maybe I'm burning out. I don't know, though either, or both for that matter, would not surprise me. I wish I had more focus, more motivation. I've only been to class like 2 days this week out of 5. On Tuesday I was actually sick, but the other days, I can't pass off so easy. Assignment deadlines approach thick and fast and my first reaction is to run and hide. Geez, Lucy. Way to prep yourself for a cutthroat industry. Cutting school, missing deadlines to watch the OC, sleeping all day after another killer allnighter. It's like I'm wallowing or something. But I can't, for the life of me figure out the reason.
Sorry guys. I know this post is a far cry from recent ones, but I'm actually a mess right now. Thanks for listening to me whine about my pathetic little life. You guys are troopers.
I should probably get some sleep...
- Posted using owl post from me pocket iParrot. Arrr
I read this!
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